The Unsuspecting Tourist

plane to KL 2So…what would you do if you found out that you had two weeks to prepare for a 12 day international vacation? What would you do if you were ME and you found out you had two weeks to prepare for a 12 day international vacation? ME! The one who lives on an E-I-E-I-O farm with a herd of animals that like to eat once or twice a day…every day.

Well, Jim’s prediction for my reaction to his wildly generous Christmas gift was that I would say, “Wow. Oh f*ck. Wow.”

So yes, I opened a gift on Christmas day and inside I found a travel itinerary for a 12 day tour of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with side trips to Langkawi, Malaysia, Dubai and Abu Dhabi, both in the United Arab Emirates (UAE).

WOW!

And then I saw the departure date: January 7. The upcoming one.

Oh f*ck!

My brain immediately came up with 43,107 reasons why I could not possibly leave the country in two weeks.

And then I looked at the travel guides detailing our destinations. Back to WOW.

Yep…you nailed it, Jim.

So let me admit right here and now that I am not necessarily the most spontaneous person in the world when it comes to travel. We have dogs. Lots of dogs. We have a borderline cameo on Animal Planet Hoarders number of dogs (disclaimer: lots of foster dogs…that do find great homes…this keeps us out of the headlines and still in the “good guys” column).

We also have horses, pigs, donkeys, a mule, and one very unintelligent ram.  It takes a village for us to just leave town for a long weekend. Twelve days? Out of the country? Um…yes, I may have been screaming on the inside, and a little on the outside, just thinking of the logistics.

Oh, and I co-own a business with a friend that I would like to keep as a friend. There’s that.

But Jim had been planning, apparently for months. And this was not a randomly selected destination. Jim’s brother lives/works in KL (that’s what all of us savvy travelers call Kuala Lumpur) and we were going to serve as escorts for his 12 year old son who was returning home after spending the holidays in Houston with his grandparents and mom.

Let me just say here that we also got to take a great trip to Thailand a few years ago while serving as escorts for Jim’s nephew. Of course this kid has made these trips enough that he could likely navigate just about any airport in his sleep, but yes, we played the part of the responsible adults. As a side note, I will volunteer to escort this kid well into his adulthood as long as Jim’s brother keeps landing in exotic destinations. To the point that he has to spoon feed me oatmeal on the plane. Yes I will.

In reality, Jim really had things well planned. He had cleared our travel dates with my dear, wonderful business partner. He had booked our pet sitter. He had looked into getting a different pet sitter to care for the barn animals so that our doggy pet sitter would not be overwhelmed.

Our passports were current thanks to Jim’s five day birthday celebration in Los Cabos, Mexico, this past July. (We planned that one for six months. We planned that one to death.)

Ok. So a trip to the other side of the world in two weeks. Go with it Nancy. Relax. Just be excited. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. Who wouldn’t jump at this chance?

Oh how I wish I could have followed all of that grand advice. But in reality, I might have been a wee bit panicky about the whole thing. Just a wee bit.

The date approached and I prepared. Thanks to that five-day Mexico trip I actually had the clothes I needed for our warm weather destinations. No stress on the packing front.

The house sitters were ready to roll. No stress there.

The travel plans were in place. I didn’t have to contribute a single thing. Just show up and get on the plane, Nervous Nancy.

As our departure date approached, I started to embrace the adventure. How many people from Mounds, Oklahoma get to hang out in a high rise apartment in KL? How many get to go to a lovely beach resort on the island of Langkawi? And then how many get to top it off with a whirlwind 24-hour tour of Dubai?

Not many, bordering on none. Most likely none.

In hindsight I think it was wise of Jim to only allow me two weeks to get my head around this trip. Who knows what dark places my brain might have traveled with too much time to overanalyze every last detail. Obviously, since it is now January 20, 2015, we all realize the trip happened and I survived. In fact, I not only survived, Jim and I had a great time…that I have yet to write about.

windowYou see, we responsibly decided that I should not write about the trip while we were actually ON said trip because of the line of burglars that would surely form at our front gate if the world realized we were away. You know, those burglars who are willing to break into a house with about 800 collective pounds of dog waiting inside the doors and windows.

I honestly didn’t believe that home invasion was a likely threat. Plus, I have to imagine that burglars would be pretty discouraged, after braving all of those dogs, to find that the thing of greatest value inside this house was my collection of had-to-have-it gorgeous skeins of yarn that I bought with no clue what I would make out of them. They were just too pretty to pass up. Is there much call for baby alpaca wool yarn on the black market?

Anyhow, for the security and sanity of our house sitters, we wisely opted to not advertise the fact that we were far, far away. Very grown up of us, right? I know.  Now I just have to decipher all of my scrawled notes that I faithfully wrote in my journal each day of the trip so I can share the journey here.

It is possible that I need to check in with my grade school teachers to see where we went so very, very wrong with my handwriting lessons. I can’t decide if it says we flew on a plane or chewed on a cane. Bear with me. I swear I will decode it and get to the good part…that would be the actual trip.

KL balcony 2And in parting, you know that quote “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry?” Yeah, well, on departure day…mere hours before we were going to leave on our well planned vacation…we got word that our dog sitter had just been diagnosed with the flu.

Now THAT proved to be a great way to get the old blood pressure pumping. Ahhh…but I’ll save the rest for future tales. Stick with me…it gets really good. Bon voyage!

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